Tartiflette - “Orbis non sufficit”

Following a day on the piste, your apres-ski nosh requires something that sticks to yer ribs. So bring a little of Chamonix to your kitchen with this other wordly dish best served with a green salad and a glass of red wine.

So put some large potatoes on to boil in their skins, salt the water.

Lob lots of smoked bacon pieces into a frying pan and get them to start to brown, then lob lots of sliced onions in keep it all moving around until the onions caramalise, don't add salt as the bacon will probably have enough, but add pepper and a clove or two of crushed garlic. Then add a glass of white wine, mix and allow it to evaporate.

Once your pots are cooked through, take them out of the pan, allow to cool and then take off their skins, slice them and put a layer across the bottom of a flan dish. Next apply the onion and bacon, follow with another layer of spuds. Then cover the top layer with creme fraiche. Next cut a Camembert in half through it's middle. Put the halves on top, skin side up. Bake at 180 for about half an hour.

Gather, err, you won't need to, those you are about to feed will already be sat quietly at the table, breathing in the wonderful aroma, with their eyes closed. Serve and explain that you were once a ski instructor working on OHMSS and that “Orbis non sufficit” is the Bond family motto, 'the world is not enough', that Lazenby himself told you that.